Airplane Safety Tips
Link of the Day: Jesus Appears on Dog’s Butt, link via JudyKTW
Video of the Day: Pickle Surprise!, link via Jim. Not safe for the easily disturbed.
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Serving up random effluvia since 1998.
FIRST COMMENT!!!
if you get bored, you can put your head between your knees and try to give yourself a blowjob. :puke:
both the links lead to the jesus-butt dog
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Oops! Fixed. Thanks 😳
I don’t think those pictures are very accurate… The people all look like they’re bored, when they should look like they just shit in their pants.
…and the video is gonna give me nightmares about a guy dressed up like a giant green vibrator chanting “Hammmmmmmm” ❓
Gotta get home to inspect my dogs!!!! Might find Paris (H) there!!!! :puke:
So some guy couldn’t look at his dog’s ass without thinking of Jesus.
Curiously, I watched a TV evangelist the other day and had a vision of a horse’s ass. Rick Santorum*, senator and uber-christian is now better known for ass-related material. And of course Jesus entered Jerusalem on the back of an ass. Coincidences? I don’t think so. They’re signs people! SIGNS I tell you! Revelations! The Whore of Babylon is nigh! Run for the hills! The Rapture is upon us! HEEHAHOOOHEEHAAHAA…….
….OK. Time for my medication.
(*Google Santorum and see)
Most of these pictures suppose you have just survived the following:-
1. Rapid decompression at 30,000 feet
2. Falling out of the the sky from 30,000 feet to the sea
3. The plane somehow stayed in one piece when it hit the water
4. You will have ample time after the plane “lands” to find and fit a safety vest
5. The water is a balmy sub tropical temperature
6. Your hair was not messed up during any of the above
:geek:
That one always gets me. Has there ever been a case of a commercial airliner landing at sea with no damage to the hull? Or to Nunu’s point, people looking refreshed and relaxed after a lovely crash at sea.
My own captions for the pictures (reading left to right):
1. This plane is used to smuggle drugs. You can find sealed packages under your seat. Please do not open unless you want to answer to the Bolivian Mafia.
2. If you go swimming, it is preferred that you do not hold on to your backpack as it may cause drowning (as illustrated). Also, a housedress is not appropriate swimwear. Wear a bathing suit.
3. To inflate life vest, simply pull on the two strings that are hanging down. If you are too stupid to pull strings, suck on the tube prodruding from the jacket until you pass out from suffocation. Someone will be along shortly to rescue you. Hopefully.
4. If a man tries to help your child with his life vest, call a flight attendant. The man may be Michael Jackson.
5. If a man with half an erection gets stuck in the inflatable raft, pull the string until the movements stop. This means the man has run out of oxygen and is no longer a threat to anyone. Call a flight attendant. Again, the man may be Michael Jackson.
6. This flight offers a “Yellow Life Vest Club”. If you are wearing an inflatable yellow vest, please join us outside near the left wing. For those who can not inflate their own life vest, you must wait in the doorway.
There aint nothin more relaxing than a glass of kool-aid right after a plane crash. 👿
Pickle Surprise? What is that? PeeWee’s Gayhouse?
HAMMMMMMMMMMMM :wtf:
I agree with spud on this one. It’s highly unlikely you’ll ever need those instructions anyway. Just more false hope. Holy Christ on a dog butt!
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Shoulda left it pointing to the dog’s butt. :wtf:
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If a plane lands on the ground… it must water at sea.
I think everyone is calm because the Bag under the seat in the first panel is the “Emergency Herion Supply”
Hope they don’t get the Nods before they remember to use the FunTube for escape!
6. Your hair was not messed up during any of the above
Spud,
I think this is deliberate. The pictures are supposed to imply a practice use of the safety equipment. In training or a drill everyone will mostly be calm, think ahead to the next step, and behave about as safe and sane as they often do.
By providing ‘training’ image, the hope is that disaster victims will behave as for training — and be more likely to act appropriately and survive.
If the pictures were disaster-flavored for reality in a crash (splash?), people would not look at the survival information — they would focus on the *crash* depicted. No one can help looking at a crash or other accident.
And remember, research shows that the most effective advertising is usually annoying. You remember both the annoyance (unrealistic state of grooming and personal hygiene) and the survival information.
Like where to find the leprechaun’s gold, tucked in amongst the ‘Does this airline’s floats sink, too?’ flotation devices.
About the last picture. Marcia stood at the top of the inflated ramp, a high school one-liner running through her thoughts ‘Confucious say: Girl who slide down banister with no pants have no hair, by cracky!’. This was supposed to be an initmate holiday, and she had the hotest butt-floss thong gracing her nether regions under her delicate, almost see-through skirt and blouse. Only, looking at that canvas-covered balloon of a slide, disaster loomed large. Mike had got caught returning from the Men’s room, and was practicing de-planing at another hatch. The only ‘flight attendant’ around was a butch-looking stout little brunette — and Marcia couldn’t get up the courage to jump and tear her ass on the slide, nor to beg the pushy attendant for a blanket to try to cushion the abrasion burns. How embarrassing! Marcia knew she was holding up the drill, and couldn’t decide whether to jump or beg. Oh, well — jump it must be. Deciding to gather her skirt about her and to hope for the best, Marcia took one last breath before hoping she didn’t shred the clothes off her back. And butt. Arggh!
If I were Jesus, I know I’d want my face appearing in a dog’s anus to prove my existence.
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LOL
I thought I had a lot of time on my hands.
I loved the church music! Gave it just the right touch.
How about the instructions: ” Just put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye” …… 😳 :wtf:
If the oxygen masks drop from above, put your own mask on first before helping any children. That oughta shut those damn kids up!
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Then my work here is done.
…for this week. 🙂
Pickle Surprise!!
-Don’t forget to jump really high in the air just before you hit the ground.
-In the event of a crash landing either lean forward and put your head between your legs in the ‘crash position’ OR find a large chested female (or one with implants) and cushion your head there. Your chances of survival may slightly improve or at least you will be found with a smile (or pieces of one, anyway…) 😈
Looking at the picture of Jesus on the dog’s butt, if you look at the bottom of the image you can see the balls of Jesus’ feet… 😈
And people wonder why I’m picklephobic.
now i know why that girl on maury was so afraid of pickles,
she must’ve seen that video
PICKLE SURPRISE! :limp: :wtf:
I didn’t know that smoking pickles can make you high, ’cause obviously those weirdos were when they made that video. “Haaaaaammmmmm!”