Manly Tip #5
Laundry, the Manly Way.
Laundry. That annual task that all men dread. And with good reason. Cleaning clothes just plain sucks. A Sisyphian task that no man should attempt without proper guidance.
For this installment, I have turned to Manly Laundry expert, Phineas X. Jones, himself a one-time struggler with the task of cleaning. We brainstormed for nearly eight minutes for these tips.
[Tips are credited with initials]
- It is a little-known fact that any item of clothing, no matter how filthy, will be clean again if you just leave it alone for two weeks. PXJ
- All stains can be scratched off quickly with a fingernail. DL
- Some stains can’t be simply scratched off. Sometimes you have to lick them too. PXJ
- Smelling it is the only reliable test of cleanliness. DL
- If the washer is broken, throw items in the bathtub with some detergent and swirl them around with a broomstick. Throw the sopping mess on the porch to air dry. DL
- An extra deodorant treatment is often equivalent to laundering. PXJ
- Got a difficult to remove stain? Easy! Find a matching Magic Marker and color in that stain. DL
- Don’t forget the Lemon Pledge for the “smell of clean” afterward. PXJ
- After too many permanent stains, a shirt becomes a “work shirt” which means you never need wash it. DL
- No item of clothing is technically “dirty” until after you actually take it off. In other words, if it was clean when you put it on, it stays clean until you take it off. PXJ
- All colors can go in the wash together. That “temperature thing” is a myth to make you buy more over-priced detergent. DL
Real men don’t wear white. PXJ
- A simple way to cover up bad smelling clothes is to simply rub garlic and onions all over them. Everyone will assume you had Italian food for lunch. No one will be the wiser. DL
Acceptable substitutes when you find yourself out of detergent: Murphy’s Oil Soap, Dish Washing Liquid, Dishwasher Tablets, Lemon Pledge, Aqua Velva, Windex, Garlic & Onions
